J-Sin

And by 'penne' I mean holes in both ends. Wow, how powerful is that? Sarcasm is blood red in this post!

Today I traveled down to the old 'burg of Winchester to visit with my new niece. Certainly an odd experience. Not one that I would have expected say, when I remember when my younger brother was born or anything.

What a day that was. My father picking me up from elementary school--I believe it was 1st or perhaps 2nd grade (almost positive it was 1st)--and saying "you have a brother!" and taking me to the hospital. A thrill by far and far beyond anything amazing that I had experienced up until that moment--shoot Big Bird seemed like a phony at that point.

Again I was greeted with the sense of nostalgia and needless abandonment. I have yet to settle what was left behind. It will remain buried, only halfway, as if it was a vampiric callus. Many of you will think that this is not the right way to deal with said causal movements, but I digress and disagree wholeheartedly! Indeed this is the way. The path that I was shown, and that I will follow nonetheless.

Because it bothers me. A lot. The past, the regrets, the past regrets, the stumbles, the mistakes, the miscalculations, the misunderstandings--hell the future. The wonderment of what would be, if only it would be. The 'am' to everyone's "was".

Today I thought of my high school reunion--a ten year! Absolutely zero regrets in not going, not participating. I wonder if the folks that I saw that were going to be attending had any clue how ridiculous they were back then? Most likely not. Maybe so! I'm sure I don't realize the truth either. None of us really want to know. We all just want to parade our successes among one another and see who comes out as the Grand Master. I'd rather skip all that and annoint some previously knighted compatriot as the King of the Proverbial Hill and whatnot. Who cares, for real? For fifty dollars, I sure don't.

I wonder when I drove the garbage to the dump if I ever left a little bit of myself behind. Somewhere rotting in some green steel can that compresses its contents into a big square ball of crap. I figure that's probably not the case. At least that's the drivel we all tell ourselves. "Hey you're fine, you're square one, you're not a mess, hell everyone's a mess, but man oh man, you don't even appreciate how unbelievably normal you are!" And so on and so forth.

What a turn of events.

Seeing all these big mega churches on the way up and down, to and fro. Jesus would be proud that his name was put to such waste. Of land. Of resources. Of denouements.

Anyway.

It's a certain walk-of-the-plank that gets you down. I don't like going home. It reminds me too much of past realities and vulnerabilities that I've shed long ago. Puts me back in tune with things that have long been shrugged away. And forgotten. Good. Good riddance and all's well. It's an amazing new life filled with shrugged away friends, and emotions that don't need to be spoken of. I mean who cares, except anyone who has a heart or brain. Or a shred of emotion. Filth that can be scrubbed off can be attributed to so many odds and ends--let alone humans. We can only be so lucky, right?

Or can we?

I haven't participated in the music scene in a long time. I regret this. I need a release of some sort. There's this brooding and budding thing that lay deep within myself that clearly needs a release. Of some sort! Blech, I hate my old stomping grounds.

Tomorrow night we go see John Stewart. And the night after that is the wife's b-day. Yeehaw! A busy weekend that will be a whole lot of fun.